new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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