i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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