I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
