He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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