sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
