get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
