how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just had sex on a roof
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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