So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The power of my boobs compel you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
