I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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