none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
