Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Farmville is her only friend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
