You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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