Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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