Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
