Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
