Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
