Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
