I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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