I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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