stop calling my apartment porn island.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
