apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
