the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
