Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
