we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
