This is not my ceiling
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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