Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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