My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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