my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
