I didn't shave. On purpose
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its liver damage thursday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
