haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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