Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
