Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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