Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
