Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
