thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize