His pubic hair was longer than his dick
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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