Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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