I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
