...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize