ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She announced her abortion via fbk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize