Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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