He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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