I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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