well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
