I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
