i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
