had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize