The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
