are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
