community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
