you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
