I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
