You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
