it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's blow job season.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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