She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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