it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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