I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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