I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
