No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
