He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
