happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
