you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
