Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
