how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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