...so i touched it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
