if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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