I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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