Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
