walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
