If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
