i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
