He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
