this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize