I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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