I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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