i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
