I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
