also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
