OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
