I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
